Tag: Thoughts

Days Like This

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Days Like This

Our neighbor sends me a text saying she’s in our driveway but hasn’t heard from our kiddo that’s she’s come to pick up. (No wonder the dog is barking like crazy!) I’d just finished packing her lunch before taking her into school. Embarrassed, I go out the front door, apologizing since I’d obviously miscommunicated when I needed help.

Shortly afterwards, we hop in the vehicle and my phone rings. A familiar voice asks if I’m ok since I wasn’t there for my 8am appointment. Embarrassed, I repeatedly apologize as I quickly open my calendar and see the appointment right there in red for this morning. Missing appointments is just not something I do. When I hang up, hot tears flow as I shake my head. Damn. That makes two.

We get to school unscathed, and I move on to my next task: getting vehicle inspected. Of course the first place I go isn’t able to do it. I call the next place, nope guy isn’t there today (but he’ll be back Monday 🙄). Third place, yes we can help you…but it’ll be a bit of a wait (over an hour) because there are several cars already there. I’m in a time crunch, so this doesn’t work. As I hang up, I pass another potential place. I manage to swing into the parking lot of a connecting center, and thankfully I’m quickly able to complete my mission. Small victory—I’ll take it.

While getting the inspection, I get a text asking to confirm a different appoint for tomorrow. What?! I didn’t have that on my calendar…have I completely lost it?

I could go on, but I think you get the drift. I felt like I was smack in the middle of the book “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” and it was only 9:30am. My brain just wasn’t firing on all cylinders, and my eyes felt like a film was creeping over them, somewhat blurring my vision. Anyone else been there?

It’s days like this that make you want to crawl into bed and pull the covers overhead. Don’t want a “do over” because you’re not sure you’d do any better. sigh Days like this…not gonna lie, they suck.

Here’s where you might expect me to insert some sort of wisdom or scripture claiming inspiration in spite of the day’s disarray. I’m not. Why? Because on days like this, that might not prove especially fruitful. On days like this, you might just want to sit a bit in your feelings…and not only is that totally normal, it’s ok! You go ahead and feel the feels (I am). But do me a favor? Please don’t set up camp!

So this afternoon, I’m sending you air hugs and reminding you that you are not alone. Lemme know if you need a listening ear, without judgement, or a tissue while you cry. I am here, my vision is clearing, and I am almost done sitting in my “days like this” feelings. 🤗❤️🙌

Uprooted

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Uprooted

Skin prickling, I can feel my breath continuing to silently suck in, which my lungs refuse to accept. No. This is not happening. I prayed against this. No. Uh uh. Not happening. And yet…feathers continue to plume, spine lengthens, chest proud. It’s about to go down. I close my eyes. Maybe if I don’t watch, it won’t actually come to this.

His size is similar, at least in stature and broad shoulders. Hands wide and worn. Pride written all over him and his body shows it. The once deep voice, raised at least an octave now, spews expletives uncontrollably every few words.

In slow motion, I turn to see how this unfolds. While I unequivocally know the man is not my father reincarnated, I find myself feeling the same way I had years ago. Same house, albeit pre-renovated kitchen, around the old island. Helpless.

Wait, did my dad cuss? He despised that! I can’t put my finger on that minor detail; meanwhile, everything else came through clear as day.

My husband, in his infinite wisdom, does not reciprocate. Quite the opposite. Everything is even keel. I can see it pains him to do so, being this disciplined while under attack. I am incredibly proud of you baby!

This juxtaposition between past and present, completely different circumstances, plunks me squarely in the face. Hot wet tears well, which is utterly unnerving because I despise crying, so I sit stewing in them quietly. Once the offender simmers down enough to carry a rational conversation, I can breathe again.

Audibly, I exhale with a long puff then greedily intake air again. Apparently I’m not able to disguise any of this because my husband recognizes my distress and apologizes. For what? Absolutely NONE of this is his fault. If anything, he went out of his way to avoid it! You’re doing a good job I tell him, or maybe only said inside my mind. How on Earth is he remaining so calm?!

“Be on your guard! If a brother or sister sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive.”

Luke 17:3 NRSV

This was part of the scripture referenced in Sunday’s “Let’s Fight” sermon series. It was also Communion Sunday, which means we also say The Lord’s Prayer.

“Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil.”

Luke 11: 3-4

I’m not sure a more befitting message could have been gifted! As I write this, I physically have to release my shoulders from their perch near my ears. Lord, I am in awe by your faithfulness and gentle guidance! Like the apostles, I cry for more faith. Lord hear my prayer. The answer? A few verses later in Luke…

The Lord said, If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.”

Luke 17:6 NRSV

*sigh* I sit back in my writing chair. Wow! How great thou art in deed!

Friends what I’d started forming was a sort of terrifying PTSD recount, when quite literally, He uprooted me, turning this piece on a dime into a completely different place of faith, grace, and forgiveness. I need to let go of that past wound as to not allow it space within my heart for comparison. I don’t need more faith. I need a better application OF my faith. Maybe I’m the only one? Somehow, I think not…

Let’s get REA/L together

Heal

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Heal

I think we can all agree 2020 has been filled with a boatload of challenges. So much hurting and brokenness…broken plans, broken hearts, broken bodies, broken dreams, broken spirits. Yes, there were also glimpses of happiness, joy even, but the heaviness of all the brokenness we experienced seemed to eclipse these moments. Or maybe it’s just my fickle heart…

As this year closes, I’m seeing friends post their 2021 “word.” Reflecting on where they’ve been and what they’d like to focus on go forward. I think it’s wonderful process. In that vein, this is the word that keeps resonating in my mind:

Heal.

Heal me. Heal the broken-hearted. Heal the hatred. Heal the hurting businesses. Heal our country in its division.

Heal.

Healing starts with us. It requires work and effort. But it also requires something else. Hope. One must believe that healing is actually possible in order to fully heal.

The Bible has countless healing references:

“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise” (Jeremiah 17:14 ESV).

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3 ESV).

“And Moses cried to the Lord, ‘O God, please heal her—please’” (Numbers 12:13 EVS).

What I want most in 2021 is healing—not just for myself but us all! Whole healing. The kind that doesn’t require a plastic painted on smile through pain. The kind that permeates through our skins right into our soul. The kind that cleanses our every fiber.

2020, I’m so done with your hurt. I wait expectantly, on my knees, for the great things He’ll provide in 2021. Because I have hope. Because He is good. And because, I believe, we all need to heal.

“O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me” (Psalm 30:2 ESV).

Alone

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Alone

I have a friend group that’s absolutely precious. I love them individually, and together, we are a force to be reckoned with for sure. We pray for each other, listen through the vents, and laugh…a lot. These ladies are such a blessing to me, and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if I called any one of them in an emergency, they would be there in the drop of a hat.

Why is it, then, that I still withhold certain things? If I know I am unequivocally loved and accepted completely, why do I feel it necessary to wrestle with worry when I can share with those who care? What makes some things okay to reveal and others too dicey, too close to home? How can I be held dearly and yet feel so alone?

Can you relate?

By now, if you’ve been following Let’s Get REAL Together for any length of time, you may have noticed my brain thinks in acronyms. Here’s one that slapped me in my face when I was in bed, experiencing another episode, and feeling very much ALONE.

All

Lifelines

Oftentimes

Neglected

Erroneously

In my head, I recognize I am NOT alone. But in my heart? It feels cavernous… empty… isolated. Alone.

Maybe it’s me, giving the devil a foothold in my mind.

Maybe it’s my pride, withholding when I feel weak.

Maybe it is what makes me so dependent on God.

He created Eve for Adam because it is not good to be alone (see Genesis 2:18). He gave us His Holy Spirit (see 1 John 4:13) to draw upon when we feel weak and/or afraid (see Joshua 1:9). He died for our sins (see John 3:16) so we have the opportunity to cast all our anxieties at His feet (see 1 Peter 5:7).

The list and scripture references are endless, as is His love for us. And this, my friends, is why we are neglectful and erroneous in our thinking we are ever alone. Yes, the feeling may feel very real. Yes, the feeling should absolutely be acknowledged. HOWEVER, we have to be mindful in what we hold as truth. Feeling alone is just that, a feeling. Period. Nothing more.

It is when we attempt to validate this feeling with false facts or omitting truths that we become negligent. I am guilty of it. More times than I’d like to admit. And if left unchecked, it can literally destroy you on a cellular level. The mind body connection is undeniably, scientifically proven. Which is why we must emphatically follow this scripture:

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV)

So the next time you feel alone, or scared, or overwhelmed, or insert whatever is counter to the fruit of His spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23), remember you ALWAYS have a lifeline to call upon. God is ALWAYS available, ALWAYS patient, and ALWAYS loves you. And yes, I am talking to myself in the mirror, while praying, my friend, you allow this to permeate you as well.

Sweet Release

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Sweet Release

Today I am sad…

Sad because of all the hate.

Sad because of all the debate.

Sad because of the polarization.

Sad because of all the incessant sanitization.

Sad because I created an account joining the Zoom nation.

Sad because my kids can’t just be kids, hanging out with friends without unnecessary reservation.

Sad because as I type this on the laptop, my eyes keep moving back to my phone propped up nearby with live video feed of a practice I’m not able to attend, fearing I might miss something that I can’t possibly or even remotely control.

*SAD*

All this sadness has given me a headache, quite literally. My limbs feel heavy, as if moving through mud. There is so much stress and tension in my body that I have a sick feeling in the back of my throat. I am desperately fighting this overwhelming sadness because I know full well that it’s not healthy. And yet, like the mysterious invisible hair that makes our skin crawl with a tickling irritation, I cannot seem to put my fingers on it and simply remove this feeling.

Then this “memory” pops up on my personal social media page.

“God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to Him.”

1 Peter 5:7

Not some of your worries. Not just the the big or little ones. Not the ones you think He can handle. *ALL OF YOUR WORRIES*

Funny God. You have the ability to show up anywhere! Even in a Facebook memory. It’s times like these where the phrase “God works in mysterious ways” becomes very present and applicable. You’d think that I’d already learned this a hundred times over: God is in control. I am not. Worrying about all that I cannot control does not gain me anything.

I confess, today was the first time in a while that I opened my Bible app upon waking (a habit I used to have). After making my way through today’s Bible story about witnessing, I moved onto my neglected devotional plan (Reset Your Mind, Overhauling Toxic Thoughts) and clicked “catch me up.” The title? “Capture Your Thoughts,” followed by a quote.

“Taking thoughts captive means controlling them instead of letting them control you.”

Priscilla Shirer

I feel somewhat empowered and a slightly relieved that I do have control over something: my thoughts. Somewhere, in my desperation to control the chaos that has engulfed our world, I handed what I could control over to fear, sadness, and helplessness. Silly me…

With my focus now redirected solely on writing this (as the Zoom feed has ended), I take a deep breath. Intentional. Cleansing. Recentering. What do I truly want filling my thoughts?

If it is heavy, I let it go. If it is hurtful, I let it go. If it isn’t of Him, I let it go. I cannot be His witness if I am wrapped in worry and warped thoughts. These do not point others towards Him. Period.

I am DONE feeding the worry worm. I am replacing this fruitless activity by cultivating healthier habits. Start my day with HIM. Align my thoughts with HIM. Cast my worries unto HIM.

*Sigh* Ahhh, sweet release…and just like that, I am in a better place.

I’m New

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I’m New

When I worked in direct sales, one of the things I would tell my team is the grace given when someone heard the words “I’m new.” It was as if suddenly there was a totally different playing field. A fresh start, if you will. An Etch-A-Sketch moment when everything up to that point gets erased. “I’m new” says a lot to the other person.

You probably don’t have the answers.
You probably haven’t had all the experience.
You probably won’t know the perfect solution.
You are simply “new,” and therefore, afforded a magical pass enabling you to receive heaps of patience, maybe even the tilted head version of “Bless your heart,” with a big ‘ol smile and all the Southern charm that accompanies it.

Guess what…right now, we are ALL “new.”

None of us have experienced COVID 19 before. None of us have a clue when we will receive the “all clear.” None of us know what the fallout will be after it’s ok to return to our “normal lives.” Will anything ever really feel “normal” again? Who knows?! I sure don’t…

But I do know this: one of the BEST parts of the “I’m new” phrase is there isn’t a set timeframe for when you have to relinquish it. You can be “new” for as long as you want, or at least, as long as you feel comfortable saying the phrase. Honestly, there are “new” things that pop up daily we’ve not yet encountered, so it is completely applicable, dare I say accurate, to say we are all “new.” EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Most of us just don’t want to admit or say it in the out loud.

So in my REAL moment with you today, I give you the phrase “Hello, I’m new.” Wear this badge proudly. You are in good company, because my friend, we are experiencing this newness together. Let’s afford each other an extra portion of grace. Let’s be kind to one another. Let’s walk through this, at our safe social distance, with a fresh perspective, buckets full of patience, and an eagerness to learn how we can be both human AND kind in this uncertain time.

Transparent

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Transparent

January 17, 2020

Clear, without obstruction, permeable, frank.

These are not words usually associated with humans because we are anything but the sort. We deflect, conceal, confuse, sometimes repulse. We push down our regrets, bury ourselves in guilt, and carry shame around our necks like a noose so transparency gets choked out. Truth—the good, the bad, the ugly—too complicated to reveal. Not because we don’t want to…no, because what it allows: a front row, all access pass to see the show that is our lives.

That may seem melodramatic, even a bit depressing, but think about it for a moment. When is the last time you willingly shared a no hold barred conversation with someone? Have you ever? Would you even be able to? Allow someone to intimately know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? All of you—raw and unfiltered. And then make eye contact with that person again?

While we all want to be known, we don’t want to pay the price of transparency. It is non-refundable. It is expensive. It is painful…or so we believe.

What if I told you you were already there, paid in full, pain-free, and proclaimed very good in full transparency? How would your life be altered? Where would put your regret, guilt, and shame? Would you box and keep it, just in case this new “transparency thing” wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be? If you were fully known, and still unconditionally loved, there wouldn’t be a reason to hang on to those cords any longer. Your bondage would be severed, and you would be free.

El Roi, the God who sees.

El Shaddai, God Almighty.

Emmanuel, God with us.

This is who transparently sees every thought, every move, every breath we take. And out of His great love for us, He gives us this gift called life along with opportunity to choose how we navigate it. Like Adam and Eve, we sin, yet through His generosity, we still see the light of the next day. We are surrounded by a multitude of His creations, meant for good. He is completely transparent in how much He loves us. Why do we find it so difficult to operate in this manner? In love, transparency, generosity?

We’ll talk more about this soon…until then, please meditate on this scripture.

“Nothing in all the world can be hidden from God. Everything is clear and lies open before him. And to him we must explain the way we have lived” (Hebrews 4:13 ICB).

Capture Each Thought

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Capture Each Thought

October 4, 2019

We were sitting in a local coffee shop that morning. She was pouring her heart out about how she felt…the thoughts she kept coming back to. As I listened to her ache, an image appeared before me.

“See those berries,” I said. “Imagine each of them are the thoughts bunched up in your mind. Now, grab the one you just described to me, the one where you weren’t sure. The one where you questioned whether or not you were good enough. That one. Pluck it off the branch and let’s see how it aligns with His Word. If it doesn’t, then toss it aside because it is no good.”

This is an active daily process we must do, if we want to be REAL with ourselves.

“We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5b NIV).

So often our thoughts run away from us. Unknowingly, we allow the devil in through the backdoor of our brains, and he plants his seeds of doubt. His lies begin to spring up, like weeds, as they quickly cover our fertile ground. The devil is crafty and cloaks his lies so they appear true. This is why we must earnestly capture each thought, examine it, and line it up with God’s truth.

You absolutely can control what thoughts you allow residency. We are what we think. And you, my friend, are royalty, a priceless heir to His throne, His creative masterpiece, who’s worthy of His love. Let’s hold onto these truths, grant them access to flourish, shape who we are and how we treat others.