REAL – Let's Get REAL Together

Yes, My Love

August 8, 2023by 4letsgetrealtogether1 Comment

I haven’t shared anything REA/L in awhile…life has been a bit too unbelievably chaotic. Have there been blessings mixed in? Absolutely! Those joys have been the bulk of my posts this year. These are the things I want to have pop up in my memories. The unpleasantries, however, I’d prefer to erase…

Within our family of four, we’ve had six surgeries among us this year with one more on the horizon. The specialists, appointments, treatments, therapies, etc have dictated the bulk of our schedules. Out of necessity, we’ve collectively danced with more fluidity than ever before…typically it’s just one of us (mainly me) that assumes the patient role. This time it’s entirely different and not in a good way.

My surgeries were incredibly personal and deemed medically necessary for prevention. Cancer ravaged my father, and with my bizarre “ecosystem,” avoiding that horrific parasite bestowed the best option. I discovered in the minimal sharing of the “why” I had a double mastectomy was met with confusion. “So you didn’t have cancer?” No, I’d reply almost apologetically, I did not. While I am fortunate this is the case, my chapter of recuperation is still unfinished.

Two weeks after my surgeries, our youngest needed knee surgery from an injury. She is still working her way back to even—making fantastic progress might I add. Rehab is never easy, and she is diligently putting in the time required to return to the activities she loves. It’s laborious. There have been tears of frustration and pain. The “other side” drives her so this too will be in the rear view mirror.

About a month later, the “c” word entered our household. It was utterly out of the blue. There were no symptoms. He didn’t fit the risk profile. And yet…

“I’m so sorry,” he says when we get the results. Tells the kids the same thing. They both immediately respond with the obvious: “This is not your fault!” He unfortunately doesn’t readily accept this. In his mind, he is the caregiver. He is glue. It’s his “responsibility” to ensure everyone has what they need. His provider gene runs strong. This is unwelcomed and unfamiliar territory, for all of us. Less than two weeks after diagnosis, treatment begins, and here we remain, praying all this will totally eradicate his cancer.

Last month, our oldest had oral surgery to remove four impacted wisdom teeth. I think people trivialize this type of surgery, relegating it as “routine,” which is regrettable. There’s something wholly unnerving about being knocked out while having people inside your mouth, looking at the unrecognizable person in the mirror, and struggling to eat, drink or talk.

Welp, there it is—the life data dump of our last six months. It’s a lot. And yes, we are all intimately aware our family has already been through “a lot.” We cling tightly to each other, especially when one of us tries to retreat, because that’s how we are wired. Eventually someone will figure out “the fix,” even if the solution is simply space. This too shall pass is our mantra, which is only moderately easier to swallow when spoken within our four walls. The absolute truth that guides us daily is this: the Lord will see us through, as He has so graciously done countless times before. “There’s a blessing buried in it,” he says as we leave the infusion center today. Yes, my love, there always is.

WTH

April 4, 2023by 4letsgetrealtogether2 Comments

The music is intentionally louder than normal—something I can control, meant to drown out my thoughts. While I’m usually pretty good at wrangling them, today they are running wild. Lack of sleep further spurs their disobedience.

I am fully aware my behavior does not align with scripture and goes against 2 Corinthians 10:6 where we are called to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” However today…today I am thick with emotion. While 1 Peter 5:7 bids me to “cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you,” I cannot. I desperately want to. It would be better for me if I would. My heart just doesn’t seem to remember these scriptures I’ve inscribed because it’s broken, and I feel numb. My lips profess “I’m fine,” but a more accurate statement is “I will be fine.”

Today, however, everything about me reads “NO!” Eyes down to avoid contact, AirPods indicate preoccupation, softly spoken minimal words imply conversation not welcome. I even told a friend “no thank you” when she called, could tell something was obviously off, and asked if I wanted to talk (which, for the record, I texted shortly afterwards and apologized if I seemed rude). Saying “NO” is something I can do, something I can control, especially when it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under me. I’m Alice, falling down the rabbit hole, clueless of how far it goes or what happens next.

Some might wonder, WTH?! Is she gonna spit it out or what? Again I say, no…or at least not yet. It’s too personal. Too close. And frankly, I’m too raw. In the midst of all these “too’s,” my heart cannot take another “this too shall pass.” I’m afraid one more might make me snap and say something awful that I don’t really mean.

So why in the world am I even writing this if I’m not going to share what’s going on? Because I don’t need to in order to ask for your prayers. My heart can only bear clinging to this singular scripture in its brokenness…

“And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will.”
Romans 8:26-27 NLT

Thank you for listening. Hopefully, when you see me, you’ll understand my no thank you. Better yet, prayerfully I’ll no longer take up residence there.

Our Dearest Friend

March 24, 2023by 4letsgetrealtogetherLeave a Comment

I have a daily 9am notification on my Bible app reminding me to be in His Word and pray. Today, the devotional centered around a very familiar verse, Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend,” which brought to light an aspect I’d not thought of before: the Holy Spirit as our dearest friend.

Admittedly, I am a private person, but I am thankful for those who break through, allowing me to feel comfortable in my vulnerability. The ever present Holy Spirit is most intimately privy to all my inner inequities, of which I have many. While I may not think of myself as a masterpiece, He does. In His omnipotence, He sees His completed creation and calls me “very good,” right from the beginning. This is also God’s vision of you, dear friend.

I’ve heard “you and your family have been through so much” more times than I can count…and that’s true. It’s hard for others to understand how I can say “it’s just another ‘is.’” The best way I can describe the easiness of this statement centers around the process. Any diagnoses or struggle is simply the springboard used to dive into the process of healing, and it’s in that place where we are molded, sharpened, purified.

So in my REA/L moment with you today, I encourage you to give yourself permission to be REA/L (Release Each Anxiety/Lie). We are created for communion—with Him and each other. Let’s stop thinking we are a “bother” when we share our burdens, because that’s not at all how God views it. There are times in everyone’s lives when help is needed, even if it’s just a listening ear, during the process of refining us, His masterpiece—especially knowing it sometimes isn’t particularly pleasant. We can, however, more readily accept His grooming practice if we remember who He is…our dearest friend.

Uprooted

September 14, 2022by 4letsgetrealtogetherLeave a Comment

Skin prickling, I can feel my breath continuing to silently suck in, which my lungs refuse to accept. No. This is not happening. I prayed against this. No. Uh uh. Not happening. And yet…feathers continue to plume, spine lengthens, chest proud. It’s about to go down. I close my eyes. Maybe if I don’t watch, it won’t actually come to this.

His size is similar, at least in stature and broad shoulders. Hands wide and worn. Pride written all over him and his body shows it. The once deep voice, raised at least an octave now, spews expletives uncontrollably every few words.

In slow motion, I turn to see how this unfolds. While I unequivocally know the man is not my father reincarnated, I find myself feeling the same way I had years ago. Same house, albeit pre-renovated kitchen, around the old island. Helpless.

Wait, did my dad cuss? He despised that! I can’t put my finger on that minor detail; meanwhile, everything else came through clear as day.

My husband, in his infinite wisdom, does not reciprocate. Quite the opposite. Everything is even keel. I can see it pains him to do so, being this disciplined while under attack. I am incredibly proud of you baby!

This juxtaposition between past and present, completely different circumstances, plunks me squarely in the face. Hot wet tears well, which is utterly unnerving because I despise crying, so I sit stewing in them quietly. Once the offender simmers down enough to carry a rational conversation, I can breathe again.

Audibly, I exhale with a long puff then greedily intake air again. Apparently I’m not able to disguise any of this because my husband recognizes my distress and apologizes. For what? Absolutely NONE of this is his fault. If anything, he went out of his way to avoid it! You’re doing a good job I tell him, or maybe only said inside my mind. How on Earth is he remaining so calm?!

“Be on your guard! If a brother or sister sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive.”
Luke 17:3 NRSV

This was part of the scripture referenced in Sunday’s “Let’s Fight” sermon series. It was also Communion Sunday, which means we also say The Lord’s Prayer.

“Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil.”
Luke 11: 3-4

I’m not sure a more befitting message could have been gifted! As I write this, I physically have to release my shoulders from their perch near my ears. Lord, I am in awe by your faithfulness and gentle guidance! Like the apostles, I cry for more faith. Lord hear my prayer. The answer? A few verses later in Luke…

The Lord said, If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.”
Luke 17:6 NRSV

*sigh* I sit back in my writing chair. Wow! How great thou art in deed!

Friends what I’d started forming was a sort of terrifying PTSD recount, when quite literally, He uprooted me, turning this piece on a dime into a completely different place of faith, grace, and forgiveness. I need to let go of that past wound as to not allow it space within my heart for comparison. I don’t need more faith. I need a better application OF my faith. Maybe I’m the only one? Somehow, I think not…

Let’s get REA/L together

Join this Club

September 8, 2022by 4letsgetrealtogether1 Comment

With a splitting headache, I made myself get redressed. Black skirt, rouged sleeved blouse, and heels since I was unsure of the evening’s dress code. Better to be slightly over than under. Quick kisses on checks, and I was out the door. It had been awhile since I’d gone to an event solo.

“Event” is a bit of a stretch. This was a meeting. First one of its kind I’d attended. Not knowing what to expect was nervociting (nervous and exciting at the same time). Compounding matters was the location I’d never been to coupled with navigating rush hour traffic. The parking lot only held a smattering of vehicles, so my timing was spot on.

Thankfully, my name was on the list when I entered, making check in a breeze. I began taking a lap around the room, and a familiar face appeared. We exchanged pleasantries. I apologized for my lackluster demeanor—head still beating through my skull, causing everything to be more difficult than it would normally.

Continuing on, I see a mini boutique set up, which I of course found something to purchase knowing it would benefit the club. With a fresh water bottle in hand, I turned and faced the tables where people had already begun sitting. This is always the fun part: finding the right group to join. Strategically, I choose the one front and center where, it appeared, plenty of open seats were available. To my relief, this assessment was correct, and I quickly introduce myself as “new.”

As the room filled, my headache became more demanding. I search for my AirPods in an attempt to drown out some of the noise with calming music. No dice, left them at home. Why on Earth did I decide to come tonight? I take a deep breath and tell myself it’ll be ok. I can do this, it’s just a couple hours.

The meeting begins. Following the agenda provided on the table, things move relatively swiftly, then finally the guest speaker was introduced. It was apparent from her bio that she was firmly entrenched in this group. Energetic, she bounced around the various avenues she’d taken to arrive before us today. It was inspiring listening to the way each twist and turn led to another; however, at this point in the evening, it took great effort keeping up with all the words. My brain’s processing powers had started slowing when these words slapped me to attention:

“When nothing comes out…”

She was referring to her work as an artist, rather, when as an artist, her creative side suddenly stopped flowing. She couldn’t paint. Not that she was physically incapable of putting brushstrokes on a canvas, it was just blank. Nothing was coming out. Simulataneously, her boys were at the age where they required more of her attention, so she switched focus, concentrated energy on her family, and that was ok. She was exactly where she needed to be. Painting would wait, which was hard but ultimately ok as well.

For months now, I’d have a momentary flash of something to write, then POOF! Gone. Nothing was coming out. No matter how hard I grasped for the thread that tickled my brain, I was left empty handed. The proverbial pen had dried up. I often wondered…was that it God? Did I write all that you’d have me say? While some might have called it writer’s block, I knew in my heart this was something else.

Have you ever had a “dry season,” where it feels like you’ve somehow wandered into a desolate dessert? Where you feel lost, maybe abandoned, like someone just plucked you from one place and dumped you into another? Join the club. It sucks. All that had come easily for me was suddenly ripped away. I was left uncomfortable, insecure, staring at my own blank canvas.

When nothing comes out, or things don’t go the way you think it should, it feels like a wasteland. But even in the most barren spaces, where gaps and cracks of what “should be” are painfully more visible, a great cavern of sorts—solidarity still exists. Congratulations! You’ve officially joined a club where the membership is free but not binding. Others have gone before you. Some are right there with you. More will find their way in too. Just remember: you do not have to remain in the club.

You might not find this as revolutionary as I did in that moment but simply hearing an unspoken “I’ve been there too” was lifegiving water to my parched pen. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t written in months. That chasm was bridged when I recognized and received the outstretched hand before me.

It’s ok.

I was not alone.

This slump, season, or series of unfortunate events cannot derail us from any plans God has already set into motion.

“I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.^”
Jeremiah 29:11 GNT

Whatever cataclysmic “thing” that’s eating at you, don’t think for a moment that He isn’t right there, in the thick of it, watching over you. He is infinitely mightier than anything that might come against. Know that. The very moment you confessed Jesus is Lord, you were granted membership into a club of eternal grace. A place of goodness and powerful source of hope.

I had no idea why I made myself attend this meeting, especially feeling like I did, but I was so thankful I did. Sharing her confession of faith and obedience instead of rebellion was exactly what I needed to hear. Peace replaced shame. Passion resurrected. Hope restored.

After the meeting wrapped up, I waited patiently to thank her for her words. She said she had prayed that she’d touched someone with her testimony. Yes, indeed, Jane you did exactly that.

Friends, it’s in sharing our vulnerable moments, where we cry out, question, and sometime rebel, that He is closest.

“For he will give his angels orders concerning you,
to protect you in all your ways.”
Psalm 91:11 CSB

Currently, I am finishing this while sitting in a dentist chair, mouth half numbed, awaiting my doctor’s return with a book on my lap. This opened a door of conversation and brought the opportunity to share my struggles. In my newfound confidence, I uttered the words “I’m a writer,” something I had not claimed in months. My “by chance” meeting with Jane, on a night I could have easily missed, allowed me to once again provide an avenue back to Him. In exposing my weakness, when nothing was coming out, God filled the cracks and granted access to once more be His vessel.

Your vulnerable admission that you don’t have it all together could be the very thing someone else needs to hear, at just the right time.

Join this club.

Be that person.

Let’s get REA/L together.

reality

November 3, 2021November 3, 2021by 4letsgetrealtogetherLeave a Comment

Let’s start with the title, “reality.” It’s intentionally all lowercase, which looks odd, out of place. The off center picture reveals a lackluster sink drain. And the mess? That all came out when I finger combed through my hair, prompting me to write this.

What we think should be our reality and what is reality does not consistently coexist. Unexpected events will alter plans, which is frustrating. Things aren’t always perfectly polished and wrapped up with a pretty bow, counter to the end of every Hallmark movie. When stuff isn’t in its correct place or done “just so,” it’s disconcerting and sticks out like a sore thumb.

However, this picture, I’d venture to guess, might just sum up most of our holistic lives. The “un”pin-worthy deleted pic. The unfashionable phenomenon called real life. The junk we don’t talk about or share, because honestly, it’s vexing. Who really needs another bitter spoonful of reality?

WE DO! Life isn’t all gumdrops and roses.

We need to see others’ unsuccessful attempts. It may keep us from making the same mistake, or better, help us realize it’s truly normal not always getting it right.

We need to hear about the “unspoken” harsh truths of aging, depression, conflict…things most of us will likely experience but don’t want to acknowledge.

We need to feel included in our painful loneliness.

I would dare to say it’s our obligation to keep it REA/L if for no other reason than this simple fact: it’s reality. An equalizing common denominator called truth that breaks the barrier between “us” and “them.”

“Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are His delight.”
Proverbs 12:22 ESV

Falsehood is fantasy. Faithful is adhering or true to fact. Real life reality.

So today, instead of muting our mess, let’s confess it in a safe space. It’s ok not having it all together. But together, we can make sense of the pieces, even the ones that don’t seem to fit into our plans. And that, my friends, makes reality a bit more palatable.

Wealth Worth

September 30, 2021September 30, 2021by 4letsgetrealtogetherLeave a Comment

Sometimes I wake up thinking, what am I doing with my life? I’m X years old, what do I have to show for it? As if I didn’t already have my own purpose anxieties, I’ve even heard “your children have long past primary schooling, when are going back to work?” That one still stings.

Even as I write this, I feel compelled to tell you that I ran a successful business for twelve years, then proceed to walk you through the rest of my resume in attempts to validate my worth. Sad really. But as I exhale this venomous thought process, I am reminded of this verse:

“Train up a child in the way he should go [teaching him to seek God’s wisdom and will for his abilities and talents],even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6 AMP

The Bible doesn’t have a cutoff timeframe for this. Why should I allow any devaluation of my work? The Bible also does not delineate one type of work as better than another. The only “job matrix” of any value is laid out here:

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
Matthew 22:36-40

Need a simplified pretty pin worthy version?

Find one right thing and do it. Then repeat. Serve with an altruistic purpose. Then search for the next opportunity to do so. A job title doesn’t define your purpose. Worth isn’t confined to the walls of an office, held hostage by digits in an account, or sourced within social media clicks. Please, let’s stop perpetually feeding that lie.

Whether you are changing the world or changing a diaper. Changing your community’s landscape or changing the laundry. Changing lives inside a classroom or changing the emotional climate within the framework of your own home. Serve with the pure purpose of God’s Greatest Commandment. THAT, my friend, is why we’re here and holds tremendous value. Plain and simple.

I may not always get it right. But as long as I find one right thing and do it, I can rest with assurance that I’m on the right path. Truly worthy wealth worth.

Trust

September 3, 2021September 3, 2021by 4letsgetrealtogether3 Comments

I’m sitting here getting a pedicure, when a mother and daughter come in. It’s not what you would call your usual duo, as both are well seasoned. The daughter helps guide her mother into the chair. It’s obvious the mother is a bit confused about what’s happening, but her daughter patiently repeats the assurance “it’s ok.”

Once settled, the daughter tells her mother she’s going around the corner briefly to pick a color and would be right back. Immediate concern, bordering on fear, flashes across the mother’s face. She didn’t want to be left alone. She desperately needed to feel her presence, evident by the borderline tears. “You’re ok, I’ll be right back.”

Panicked, the mother looks around as if to attempt getting up. Without hesitation, the lady in the chair directly next to the mother leans over, holds out her hand, and spoke reassuring affirmations. The daughter was relieved and quickly returned with polish. It was beautiful to witness.

This reminded me of my relationship with God. I’m often unsteady on my spiritual feet. I’m easily confused when there’s unwanted change. I long for His nearness, tender words, and physical presence. I know in my heart He constantly provides all of these, but my fears clout my mind.

How can my faith be so fickle? Why am I so easy swayed when circumstances change? What does this say about my relationship with God?

None of this makes me a “bad Christian.” I am human. I must constantly turn to Him, which is by His design. It’s in these moments, when I crawl back to Him despite my indiscretions, that Abba gathers me up like the prodigal child.

“O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.”
Psalm 62:8 NLT

Thank you, Lord for loving me through my trials. Thank you for listening when I cry out. Thank you for being my shelter in the storm. And most of all, thank you for always welcoming me back into your fold. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Community

August 31, 2021August 31, 2021by 4letsgetrealtogetherLeave a Comment

What does community look like for you?Does it need to be in the perfect location? Lots of mature trees and green space? Maybe in city center? Near the important things? Work, school, Target? Should it have a pool, dog park, or other amenities?

These are the things I see on HGTV’s numerous homebuyers wish list. As someone who’s recently looked at houses, I can honestly say, most of these would also be high up on the community list for me. These are all the “creature comforts,” locationally speaking. Community, as in a place, is only one of five basic types. The other four (interest, action, practice, and circumstance), I’d argue, are far more valuable because they are relational.

Common interests. A call to action for making some kind of impact. Practicing similar work, recreational, or kid activities. Bonding through everyday or crisis situations. These are also what I’d call “community.” And these—these are huge motivators for staying in communities.

Just after “Love the Lord your God” as Jesus’ first Commandment is this: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:37-39)

We often think of “neighbor” in terms of proximity, or again, location; however, I do not believe this is what Jesus was talking about. Not. At. All. I think we need to go back a few pages in Matthew to chapter 7: “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (verse 12 EVS).

The Golden Rule. We are all familiar with it. Probably memorized it before we left first grade. Somehow though, I think a majority of us throw this rule out the window when it doesn’t “suit” us. Myself included (ouch that hurt to say).

Community (neighbors) are either brought together or torn apart by how this Golden Rule is applied. *Read that again*

Now, I realize this is a generalized statement, but it seems like part of society has traded kindness for convenience—fed by the “me first” mentality. It’s just easier to focus on my needs, my priorities, my ideology. This is taking loving thyself (the second part of the second commandment) totally out of context, and to the detriment of others.

Kindness DOES matter. How you treat another person, both in person or behind the scenes, matters. Proverbs 17:22 (NLT) says, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”

We are a broken people, living in a broken place. But hear me out, there is good news! If we abide by the Golden Rule, apply the second Commandment, and work to BUILD community…my friends, what a blessed respite that would be! A beautiful Heaven on Earth experience, in a real, tangible way.

Today, let’s pray these pearls of wisdom the Bible lays out (starting with ourselves) over our family, friends, community, and those we may not currently see eye to eye with in accordance with our Lord’s Commandments. Amen.

Unspoken

February 5, 2021February 6, 2021by 4letsgetrealtogether2 Comments

One of the primary reasons I started writing Let’s Get REAL Together was to share scriptural truths. To encourage. To stomp ugly lies that fly about with Biblical truths. But also to share my own battles and anxieties in the hope that you might identify on some level. Then together, we could find comfort in His Word, which brings me to today…

Cancer is a horrible evil. It eats its host as well as the entire family. It feels like a death sentence upon diagnosis, especially when it’s given the added insult of “Stage 4.”

I think it’s safe to say that we have all either known someone who has battled cancer or fought it themselves. You might see chemo posts, or best case scenario, a smile victoriously ringing the bell. But here is what you don’t see…the unspoken.

The vomiting.

The loss of bowels.

The grey skin over shriveling body.

The loss of recognition for loved ones.

The combative, inconsolable confusion accompanying overwhelming pain.

This is the unspoken. This is the omitted part, reserved solely for parents, spouses, or loved ones brave enough to endure the burden of primary care giver. This is the bitter pill that must be choked down before (prayerfully) a glorious homecoming.

No pamphlet or book can prepare you for this. This is a horror show that no one wants to see. And yet, this is the unspoken reality for many…

It’s easy for an outsider to ask “why.” Offer “have you tried” advice. Question decisions. I fall into this category because I don’t understand this disease, which makes me feel helpless. All I see is the shell of a man I once knew. Feel fierce longing for one last bear hug. Desperate for one more impromptu dance. Hear his velvet baritone voice sing my name.

To those who have traveled a similar path, my heart aches for you.

To you reading this today, the next time you see or hear someone asking for prayer, do it. Right then and there. You don’t need the intimate details. Receive the unspoken request. Intercede on their behalf. Lay their burden at His feet. Then ask if you can hug them. They might need to feel His love in a tangible way. Be His hands and feet.

To my warrior friends, please echo my unspoken prayer.

“Also, we can really trust God to help us when we turn to Him. We know that He will hear us. When we ask for anything that He wants us to have, He listens to us.”
1 John 5:14 EASY