I have a daily 9am notification on my Bible app reminding me to be in His Word and pray. Today, the devotional centered around a very familiar verse, Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend,” which brought to light an aspect I’d not thought of before: the Holy Spirit as our dearest friend.
Admittedly, I am a private person, but I am thankful for those who break through, allowing me to feel comfortable in my vulnerability. The ever present Holy Spirit is most intimately privy to all my inner inequities, of which I have many. While I may not think of myself as a masterpiece, He does. In His omnipotence, He sees His completed creation and calls me “very good,” right from the beginning. This is also God’s vision of you, dear friend.
I’ve heard “you and your family have been through so much” more times than I can count…and that’s true. It’s hard for others to understand how I can say “it’s just another ‘is.’” The best way I can describe the easiness of this statement centers around the process. Any diagnoses or struggle is simply the springboard used to dive into the process of healing, and it’s in that place where we are molded, sharpened, purified.
So in my REA/L moment with you today, I encourage you to give yourself permission to be REA/L (Release Each Anxiety/Lie). We are created for communion—with Him and each other. Let’s stop thinking we are a “bother” when we share our burdens, because that’s not at all how God views it. There are times in everyone’s lives when help is needed, even if it’s just a listening ear, during the process of refining us, His masterpiece—especially knowing it sometimes isn’t particularly pleasant. We can, however, more readily accept His grooming practice if we remember who He is…our dearest friend.
One of the primary reasons I started writing Let’s Get REAL Together was to share scriptural truths. To encourage. To stomp ugly lies that fly about with Biblical truths. But also to share my own battles and anxieties in the hope that you might identify on some level. Then together, we could find comfort in His Word, which brings me to today…
Cancer is a horrible evil. It eats its host as well as the entire family. It feels like a death sentence upon diagnosis, especially when it’s given the added insult of “Stage 4.”
I think it’s safe to say that we have all either known someone who has battled cancer or fought it themselves. You might see chemo posts, or best case scenario, a smile victoriously ringing the bell. But here is what you don’t see…the unspoken.
The vomiting.
The loss of bowels.
The grey skin over shriveling body.
The loss of recognition for loved ones.
The combative, inconsolable confusion accompanying overwhelming pain.
This is the unspoken. This is the omitted part, reserved solely for parents, spouses, or loved ones brave enough to endure the burden of primary care giver. This is the bitter pill that must be choked down before (prayerfully) a glorious homecoming.
No pamphlet or book can prepare you for this. This is a horror show that no one wants to see. And yet, this is the unspoken reality for many…
It’s easy for an outsider to ask “why.” Offer “have you tried” advice. Question decisions. I fall into this category because I don’t understand this disease, which makes me feel helpless. All I see is the shell of a man I once knew. Feel fierce longing for one last bear hug. Desperate for one more impromptu dance. Hear his velvet baritone voice sing my name.
To those who have traveled a similar path, my heart aches for you.
To you reading this today, the next time you see or hear someone asking for prayer, do it. Right then and there. You don’t need the intimate details. Receive the unspoken request. Intercede on their behalf. Lay their burden at His feet. Then ask if you can hug them. They might need to feel His love in a tangible way. Be His hands and feet.
To my warrior friends, please echo my unspoken prayer.
“Also, we can really trust God to help us when we turn to Him. We know that He will hear us. When we ask for anything that He wants us to have, He listens to us.”
I think we can all agree 2020 has been filled with a boatload of challenges. So much hurting and brokenness…broken plans, broken hearts, broken bodies, broken dreams, broken spirits. Yes, there were also glimpses of happiness, joy even, but the heaviness of all the brokenness we experienced seemed to eclipse these moments. Or maybe it’s just my fickle heart…
As this year closes, I’m seeing friends post their 2021 “word.” Reflecting on where they’ve been and what they’d like to focus on go forward. I think it’s wonderful process. In that vein, this is the word that keeps resonating in my mind:
Heal.
Heal me. Heal the broken-hearted. Heal the hatred. Heal the hurting businesses. Heal our country in its division.
Heal.
Healing starts with us. It requires work and effort. But it also requires something else. Hope. One must believe that healing is actually possible in order to fully heal.
The Bible has countless healing references:
“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise” (Jeremiah 17:14 ESV).
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3 ESV).
“And Moses cried to the Lord, ‘O God, please heal her—please’” (Numbers 12:13 EVS).
What I want most in 2021 is healing—not just for myself but us all! Whole healing. The kind that doesn’t require a plastic painted on smile through pain. The kind that permeates through our skins right into our soul. The kind that cleanses our every fiber.
2020, I’m so done with your hurt. I wait expectantly, on my knees, for the great things He’ll provide in 2021. Because I have hope. Because He is good. And because, I believe, we all need to heal.
“O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me” (Psalm 30:2 ESV).
My dad used to always say, “it’s better to have it and not need it, instead of need it and not have it.” Usually, this was in reference to having a coat, umbrella, or roll of quarters tucked away “just in case.” A version of the old Boy Scout “be prepared” motto. And it has served me well, on many occasions. But there are certain things, events, or circumstances in life that you cannot ever really prepare for…
A loved one suddenly passing.
A debilitating injury.
An auto accident.
Unemployment.
A pandemic.
Loss of self.
2020.
In any of these, even the most prepared Eagle Scout would be left dumbfounded. How do you proceed? What’s the next step? Where do you go from here? Why did this happen? Who will you be if you survive this? (The hardest question of all.)
It isn’t until you are thrown into the unpredictable that you become supernaturally armed with the strength for surviving the unknown…you just don’t realize it until after you actually get through it. Onto the other side. Where the pain has dulled enough for you to truly breath again. Friends, if you find yourself in one of those difficult situations, where no amount of “just in case” planning is helpful, you can always turn to your just in time God.
Now I know what you are thinking, “oh boy, here she goes goes again! I wonder what scripture, what Biblical nugget of wisdom this chick thinks she’s gonna pull out to ‘make it all better.’” I gotta admit, I actually smirked a little as I wrote that…because I’ve been there. I’ve had the same thought. Probably even put on my best earnest face while I listened. But as soon as the advice was presented, it was as if I’d been transported into Charlie Brown’s classroom. All I heard was “wah wah wah wah.”
We usually don’t want scripture OR wisdom in those seemingly most desperate of circumstances. We want Morpheous’ blue pill, returning us back to the way things were, blissfully ignorant. The quick, painless fix. Because if God were truly real, He wouldn’t have allow this to happen (right?). Period. The end.
NOT “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle.” NOT “God turns all things into good.” NOT “God’s plans are always best.” While all of these are absolutely true, NONE of them are helpful when you feel as though you are all alone, drowning in the middle of an ocean during a Cat 5 hurricane.
But here’s the thing, sometimes, in the worst of times, what we really need is God to send someone to just listen. Someone to silently sit with us. Someone to hold our hand. Someone to say “I’m sorry.” Someone to allow us cry, scream, cuss…whatever!
I pray you have that “someone” in your life. And if your arms are burning right now from treading water while trying to think who that “someone” could be, it would be my privilege to be your “just in case” safe place. That’s my Let’s Get REAL Together mission. That’s why God has watched over me through the unfathomable, so I could be here with you today…just in case.
I thoroughly enjoy watching movies—all kinds (though horror and romance stories are my least favorite). Not all of what I watch would be what you might call “appropriate.” Case in point, one of the random Netflix movies I’ve recently watched: Fighting with my Family. Filled with questionable language, characters, and morals, there was an incredible gem:
“Just because millions of people aren’t cheering when you do it, doesn’t mean it’s not important.”
~Paige, from the movie Fighting with my Family
We can be submerged in the most questionable or uncertain circumstances and still find precious gold. The grocery store stockers tirelessly working behind the scenes. Our healthcare providers fearlessly serving the sick. The teachers suddenly thrown into learning an entirely foreign method. These unsung heroes absolutely deserve applause…but that’s not why they do it.
You may be asking yourselft, “I’m not any of these professions, what I can I do?” Whether we admit it or not, we all seek affirmation. And when we don’t receive the “bravo” or thunderous claps, we believe what we are doing is unimportant, useless, undistinguished. It’s that feeling of helplessness that often leads to hopelessness, trapping us on the ride that spirals downward into depression. But, my friend, it is in these very moments of ambiguity that you can thrive…you simply make the conscious decision to do something.
Today is your time. It’s mine too. Right here, right now. In the midstream of this…when we are called to be each other’s champions, from our safe social distance. If you are completely quarantined, you can pray. Prayer is powerful. If you are a student, you can call a friend or family member. We all crave connection. If you are able to get outside, you can wait for your walking neighbor to pass by, smile and wave. This elementary interaction might be the only one they have that day. If you are healthy, you can offer to pick up groceries for a friend. The list of what you can safely do is endless, you just need to choose one and do it.
While you may not see these seemingly small acts as significant, the recipient will. You may not hear any applause, but it’s present. You may not see the accolades, but they are thunderous. You may not feel important, but you are mistaken.
Humanity is currently on stage, and everyone is watching. Now, more than ever, you my friend, have a purpose that only YOU can fulfill. How can I be so unequivocally certain? Scripture…
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.”
Proverbs 19:21
God created each of us not only ON purpose but FOR a purpose.
I am not immune to His plans, neither are you. That internal conflict we feel, the one that keeps us up at night. The one that resonates like an incessant earwig. The one that drums in our minds. That one. The one we cannot seem to escape. That, my friend, is His plan and your purpose. Waiting, for our compliance to complete…
Question is, are you only here for the applause or are you prepared to fulfill your purpose? The choice is yours, and it has eternal consequences. What’s more important what that?
Right now. This very moment. THIS is the point just before the crescendo when everyone expectantly holds their breath in anticipation, not knowing what comes next. This is the precise moment when we, individually, are standing in the spotlight, whether it’s main stage, off broadway, or center stage on our living room floors. We were purposefully created to shine…because light dispels darkness, my friend.
“When Jesus spoke again to the people, He said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.’”
John 8:12 NIV
The stage is set.
The world is watching.
Now is the time for us step up.
Today we must rise and fulfill our purpose.
The role we have unsuccessfully searched for our entire lives. The one that completes the puzzle. The one that helps others in ways we will never know. Isn’t that worth far more than applause?
an international code signal of extreme distress, used especially by ships at sea.
an urgent appeal for help.
Did you know these three letters don’t actually stand for anything (according to a Mental Floss article)? But if you see and/or hear “SOS,” you immediately know someone is need of dire assistance. It’s one of those little nuggets that somehow has gotten plugged into our brains, and no one is really certain of the actual origin, it just “is what it is.”
In a time when social distancing is the “norm” (wow, that feels so surreal to type), we are missing out on all kinds of cues. On my jog this morning, I smile and give the neighborly wave to those passing by…sometimes, there’s the quick trite exchange: How are you? Good, you? All good. With all that is going on in the world, it’s hard to show your hand in these brief chats.
I want to hug you, but I can’t.
I want to put my hand on your shoulder and ask, “how are things really going?”
I want to tell you, please pray from my dear friend who suddenly lost his job.
I want you to know I don’t have it all together.
I want us to go back to when things weren’t so uncertain.
I feel like I am in a perpetually looping Rihanna song:
“S.O.S., please someone help me It’s not healthy for me to feel this Y.O.U. are making this hard I can’t take it, see it don’t feel right”
Except this isn’t about being lovesick over a boy, it’s feeling heart wrecked about what this social distancing is doing to my kids who desperately miss their friends (and shockingly going to a physical school). It’s seeing the desperation in my community as news feed after news feed pleads, “where can I find eggs, flour, or paper towels?” It’s hearing the unspoken aching in texting my loved ones outside of our four walls, “love and miss you.”
SOS
I keep feeling an urge to write, but if I’m being real, I’m not sure what I have to offer. I certainly do not have the answers. I don’t want to come across as being a princess on a pedestal, completely oblivious and immune to what’s happening. But what I desperately want to do is help. I am a servant at heart, and serving is one of my love languages. It’s in this vein that I share something that has been bouncing around in my head for a few days now…
It started after seeing a post about “chalk you walk,” offering an encouraging message written or drawn on your driveway. I joked and said, mine would read “spread joy not germs,” followed by #WashYourHands underneath. Over the last week, I kept seeing one of those “Hello my name is” labels in my head that had “I’m new” written in the blank space. This whole experience is “new” for all of us! We ought to be doling out grace by the bucketful right now! Positivity seems to have taken a backseat to fear and divisiveness. It makes me sad, hurts my heart, and makes me want to cry.
SOS. Extreme distress. Urgent appeal for help.
But what if we applied this theory by Wayne Dyer instead?
“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”
What if, when we felt ourselves in extreme distress, in need of urgent help, we hailed a different SOS?
If we dug deep, and found something POSITIVE in our current situation.
If instead of flaring up, we took a breath and offered GRACE.
If we simply chose to count it all JOY, no matter the circumstances.
This simple shift in how we choose to operate would make a monumental change in not just our lives within our own four walls but our communities and beyond (I sounded like Buzz Lightyear for a moment)! While I know thinking must seem a bit naive, I cannot get it out of my head. Our world has been turned upside down by this virus, and there is little we can do about it (other than social distancing and thoroughly washing our hands). However, we can change the way we look at things and how we allow things to impact us. This is a life hack that will serve us well after COVID-19 is a thing of the past!
Spread positivity. Offer grace. Share joy.
We will get through this, friends.
We will get together socially again.
And I pray, when we do, we will all be better human beings.
REA/L Moment: yesterday was a migraine day. Woke up, holding my head, feeling awful, only to throw the sheets back, run to the bathroom, and proceeded to uncontrollably heave repeatedly into the toilet. Spent the rest of the day fighting waves of nausea, a pounding head, and supreme guilt that I simply wasn’t living up to my “mom duties” for the day.
Flash forward to this morning. Woke up exhausted, having only gotten a few hours of sleep (again), but functioning. Completed morning “mom duties,” returned home, and faced a decision. Should I lay my tired body back down, hopefully getting some additional sleep, or should I just suck it up and start knocking things off my list? The decision came easily, and remarkably, shame-free: I slept.
And that, my friends, is self care. I wanted to feel good today instead of having another set back, so I did the smart thing and took care of myself. Our current culture may shout “self care,” but in the same breath, shamefully look down their noses at us with distain for such an act of “laziness.” Not only is this added “guilt” associated with self care unhelpful, it’s all together unhealthy!
So in my REA/L moment with you today, consider this: on multiple occasions Jesus, withdrew, and went off by Himself to pray, to rest, to recharge so He could continue doing good work. We are made in His image; therefore, there are times we too need to spend time by ourselves to pray, rest, and recharge. This is not shameful or lazy in the least! It is being respectful of our bodies, where His Holy Spirit resides. Let’s stop listening to the lies the world paints as truths. Let’s start diving more into His word for actual truth. Let’s live a life worthy of the one we’ve been called to!
It’ll be different this year, I tell myself. I fervently prayed for revelation of my 2020 focus word (obedient). I will not be seduced by its addictive high. It’ll be different this year. I will remain open to His plan, center on what He desires of me, obey His still voice within. But that sweet siren’s song beckons me…my eyes are drawn to the cluttered counter, laundry piled on the couch waiting to be folded, Christmas still prominently displayed all over the house…the list accumulates. I begin doing, unaware of the intoxication power each completed task, and subsequent added undertaking, holds. I am, once again, hooked and enslaved by the “doing” drug.
It was obvious from a young age that I’m a Martha. A “go to,” “get it done” girl. I’ve always enjoyed being called upon to complete a job. It makes me feel important. And I’m good at it, the “doing.” I excel when given tasks and a deadline. I make sacrifices to ensure whatever project or event comes to fruition, appearing to having it all under control…because that’s part of the gig. I have to make it seem like it was no big deal. I don’t want anyone to see me as unable or weak. Been there, done that when I was physically not capable and certainly don’t want to be back in that boat, thank you very much!
This is NOT obedience, and I full well know it!
But the “high” that comes with the doing drug, crashes over me like a tidal wave. I am sucked into the riptide, pulled back again and again until my body is worn by its crushing weight. In my “Martha” frenzy, or truthfully addition, I become weak and worn. My judgement becomes clouded, which frustrates the daylights out of me. I end up crashing, like an addict who’s had too much. Shut down rapidly and unexpectedly, like my iPhone when I’ve neglected it too long.
What’s your drug of choice? Is it “doing” like me? Is it binge watching? Is it eating? What temporarily soothes you till you are comfortably numb? What takes away the ache? What silences those feelings? THAT’S your drug, your addiction. It’s intoxicating powers do not last, and at some point, we all come down off our high. Here, before our next “fix,” is where we have a choice. Do we allow ourselves to be swept up again in this cyclical battle? Or do decide ENOUGH?! While our war wounds are not visible to others, it does not take away the pain we feel. It does not remove the scars that have accumulated. It is the unseen strife that we wrestle with daily, on top of whatever else the day brings. Cue the infamous words of SNL’s Church Lady, “Well, isn’t that just special…”
I see you, my friend. I struggle too. My brain and body feel so battered, it’s simply easier to keep this ball rolling than to change tracks. My prayer, in confessing this to you, is that you will not feel alone. Maybe in sharing our weak moments, we can become stronger together.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NIV)
My sweet oldest claimed this as “The Year of REA/L” for me along with Exodus 13:13: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” In those moments, breathe with me. Know that He IS fighting for you. Know that you are not alone. Know that you have a friend in me.
Soon, you will see a “prayer services” tab on the web site. It would be my privilege, if you feel comfortable in sharing, to pray with and for you. Sometimes all it takes is speaking out those strongholds to free you from their entanglement. I see you, my friend. And I am here to listen…
In grade school, we learned to raise our hand. Speak up. Ask questions. Request help. This such a basic lesson, and yet, one most adults have forgotten. We don’t raise our hand, speak up, ask questions or request help. We are embarrassed. We are prideful. We are stubborn. It seems we’d rather give up, drown, or fail before we did this simple task: raise our hand.
The other side of the coin is raising our hand to offer help. Some do this too frequently. Some rarely do it. Some don’t think they are “qualified” to do it. Some don’t feel they have the means to do it. Some believe another will do it. Some just flat don’t want to do it.
Whichever side you fall on, the reason we avoid help boils down one thing: doubt. We doubt ourselves. We doubt our ability. We doubt whether or not there’s a real need. We doubt…instead of asking or volunteering.
Everyone needs help, at one point or another; though we’d rather not admit it. But here’s the thing: we are human. We cannot do it alone. We get caught up in the mind battle of, “why can’t I just…”
Even Moses, the prophet whom God chose to deliver the commandments and lead the Israelites out of Egypt, needed help. When they were fighting the Amalekites, Moses raised up his hands, and the most incredible thing happened: God was there! He sent Moses help in the form of two caregivers (Aaron and Hur).
“As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up–one on one side, one on the other–so that his hands remained steady until sunset” (Exodus 17:11-12 NIV).
…and the Israelites won! Moses wasn’t on the “front line” fighting. He stood on a hill, arms raised, silently supporting. When Moses grew tired, Aaron and Hur saw a need and filled it… steadily holding up his hands. You see, we are all puzzle pieces in God’s master plan. We are meant to join and work together. In doing so, we are granted access to a larger picture. When we admit “we can’t,” He sends someone in His stead to help.
“Help each other with your troubles. When you do this, you truly obey the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 ICB).
Whether you are the one in need of help or one who feels called to help, raise you hand, my friend. He will use you mightily. He will strengthen you. And maybe, you will no longer doubt you are worthy of His grace.
Let's Get REAL Together 