Grace – Let's Get REAL Together

Peace Be With You

November 21, 2024by 4letsgetrealtogetherLeave a Comment

Tis the season when family and friends gather. Food and drinks are shared. And the barrage of questions begin…How are you? What’s new? What’s next? What about…? The list goes on. The intent is meant well, a genuine interest in you. Meanwhile, the answers aren’t always easy and the questions can be uncomfortable.

When you’ve been through something traumatic, you might not want to relive it. Or maybe you’ve improved but aren’t out of the woods yet.

You’re clueless of “what’s next” and the thought scares you to death.

You don’t really have anything “new” going on, but you won’t want to seem ho hum (or worse boring).

The most common response to “how are you” is typically “fine,” which could be short for frustrated, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. Let’s face it—we’ve all faked a smile and said “fine” because it’s easier. Preparing for the holidays can sometimes feel overwhelming. Maybe nothing necessarily “bad” has happened, it can just all be exhausting…defensively causing your guard to go up.

Am I in a bad place? No. This is simply me thinking ahead and telling myself to read the room. Listen—attentively, giving the person in front of me my ears AND eyes. Sometimes we miss things when there’s background noise vying for our attention. I fondly remember talking with someone who made me feel incredibly special. Even though she was hosting the event, I felt like our conversation was in a beautiful snow globe. Magical—protected from everything else happening around us. Could I tell you what we talked about? No. But I can absolutely fondly remember that peaceful feeling.

So my friends, here’s my prayer for us as we enter “the most wonderful time of the year” (thank you Andy Williams). It comes straight from the Apostle Paul, who reminds us of God’s free and boundless grace. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (Romans 15:13 ESV). Kids believe in Santa. Let’s remain steadfast in believing we can not only find but bring peace wherever this season takes us.

Yes, My Love

August 8, 2023by 4letsgetrealtogether1 Comment

I haven’t shared anything REA/L in awhile…life has been a bit too unbelievably chaotic. Have there been blessings mixed in? Absolutely! Those joys have been the bulk of my posts this year. These are the things I want to have pop up in my memories. The unpleasantries, however, I’d prefer to erase…

Within our family of four, we’ve had six surgeries among us this year with one more on the horizon. The specialists, appointments, treatments, therapies, etc have dictated the bulk of our schedules. Out of necessity, we’ve collectively danced with more fluidity than ever before…typically it’s just one of us (mainly me) that assumes the patient role. This time it’s entirely different and not in a good way.

My surgeries were incredibly personal and deemed medically necessary for prevention. Cancer ravaged my father, and with my bizarre “ecosystem,” avoiding that horrific parasite bestowed the best option. I discovered in the minimal sharing of the “why” I had a double mastectomy was met with confusion. “So you didn’t have cancer?” No, I’d reply almost apologetically, I did not. While I am fortunate this is the case, my chapter of recuperation is still unfinished.

Two weeks after my surgeries, our youngest needed knee surgery from an injury. She is still working her way back to even—making fantastic progress might I add. Rehab is never easy, and she is diligently putting in the time required to return to the activities she loves. It’s laborious. There have been tears of frustration and pain. The “other side” drives her so this too will be in the rear view mirror.

About a month later, the “c” word entered our household. It was utterly out of the blue. There were no symptoms. He didn’t fit the risk profile. And yet…

“I’m so sorry,” he says when we get the results. Tells the kids the same thing. They both immediately respond with the obvious: “This is not your fault!” He unfortunately doesn’t readily accept this. In his mind, he is the caregiver. He is glue. It’s his “responsibility” to ensure everyone has what they need. His provider gene runs strong. This is unwelcomed and unfamiliar territory, for all of us. Less than two weeks after diagnosis, treatment begins, and here we remain, praying all this will totally eradicate his cancer.

Last month, our oldest had oral surgery to remove four impacted wisdom teeth. I think people trivialize this type of surgery, relegating it as “routine,” which is regrettable. There’s something wholly unnerving about being knocked out while having people inside your mouth, looking at the unrecognizable person in the mirror, and struggling to eat, drink or talk.

Welp, there it is—the life data dump of our last six months. It’s a lot. And yes, we are all intimately aware our family has already been through “a lot.” We cling tightly to each other, especially when one of us tries to retreat, because that’s how we are wired. Eventually someone will figure out “the fix,” even if the solution is simply space. This too shall pass is our mantra, which is only moderately easier to swallow when spoken within our four walls. The absolute truth that guides us daily is this: the Lord will see us through, as He has so graciously done countless times before. “There’s a blessing buried in it,” he says as we leave the infusion center today. Yes, my love, there always is.

Revelation

February 9, 2023by 4letsgetrealtogether1 Comment

There’s a beautiful blue sky and sun shining outside my window. I was briefly able to bask in its warmth earlier this morning. What a gift! It’s funny how much truth is in the adage “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” (Your welcome for that throwback Cinderella earwig.)

It’s days like today that I should marvel in my numerous blessings, yet here I am…ashamed of how I squander them. How I can go from gratefulness one moment to disparagement in what seems like the blink of an eye lends sight into my fickle heart. In the middle of my wrestle, I was able to encapsulate how I felt with this picture.

Our sweet pup, sitting on dead grass, next to a needs to be replaced fence, drenched in His glorious warmth as she lifts her head heavenward in a silent thank you. This is where I wish to reside. Unaffected by the absence of posh surroundings, yet unabashedly lavishing in His generosity.

“May He grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans. We will sing joyously over your victory, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners. May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.”
Psalm 20:4-5AMP

Thank you, Lord, for this revelation and victory over my circumstances. I praise your precious and holy name. Amen

Uprooted

September 14, 2022by 4letsgetrealtogetherLeave a Comment

Skin prickling, I can feel my breath continuing to silently suck in, which my lungs refuse to accept. No. This is not happening. I prayed against this. No. Uh uh. Not happening. And yet…feathers continue to plume, spine lengthens, chest proud. It’s about to go down. I close my eyes. Maybe if I don’t watch, it won’t actually come to this.

His size is similar, at least in stature and broad shoulders. Hands wide and worn. Pride written all over him and his body shows it. The once deep voice, raised at least an octave now, spews expletives uncontrollably every few words.

In slow motion, I turn to see how this unfolds. While I unequivocally know the man is not my father reincarnated, I find myself feeling the same way I had years ago. Same house, albeit pre-renovated kitchen, around the old island. Helpless.

Wait, did my dad cuss? He despised that! I can’t put my finger on that minor detail; meanwhile, everything else came through clear as day.

My husband, in his infinite wisdom, does not reciprocate. Quite the opposite. Everything is even keel. I can see it pains him to do so, being this disciplined while under attack. I am incredibly proud of you baby!

This juxtaposition between past and present, completely different circumstances, plunks me squarely in the face. Hot wet tears well, which is utterly unnerving because I despise crying, so I sit stewing in them quietly. Once the offender simmers down enough to carry a rational conversation, I can breathe again.

Audibly, I exhale with a long puff then greedily intake air again. Apparently I’m not able to disguise any of this because my husband recognizes my distress and apologizes. For what? Absolutely NONE of this is his fault. If anything, he went out of his way to avoid it! You’re doing a good job I tell him, or maybe only said inside my mind. How on Earth is he remaining so calm?!

“Be on your guard! If a brother or sister sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive.”
Luke 17:3 NRSV

This was part of the scripture referenced in Sunday’s “Let’s Fight” sermon series. It was also Communion Sunday, which means we also say The Lord’s Prayer.

“Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation
but deliver us from evil.”
Luke 11: 3-4

I’m not sure a more befitting message could have been gifted! As I write this, I physically have to release my shoulders from their perch near my ears. Lord, I am in awe by your faithfulness and gentle guidance! Like the apostles, I cry for more faith. Lord hear my prayer. The answer? A few verses later in Luke…

The Lord said, If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.”
Luke 17:6 NRSV

*sigh* I sit back in my writing chair. Wow! How great thou art in deed!

Friends what I’d started forming was a sort of terrifying PTSD recount, when quite literally, He uprooted me, turning this piece on a dime into a completely different place of faith, grace, and forgiveness. I need to let go of that past wound as to not allow it space within my heart for comparison. I don’t need more faith. I need a better application OF my faith. Maybe I’m the only one? Somehow, I think not…

Let’s get REA/L together

Extraordinary

November 12, 2021by 4letsgetrealtogether2 Comments

Can we all agree there are some touchy, hot topics that make us cringey? You know the saying, “never talk politics or religion in polite company,” because all too often, what ensues is anything but polite. We are deeply passionate about our convictions, which means, these types of conversations can result in a messy blood bath of hurt feelings. Ok, I think I’ve correctly set it up.

Here we go…

While around the dinner table the other night, one of “those” topics came up. As soon as the conversation started, I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to get up and do the dishes, which I despise. I wanted to hear how the exchange unfolded but definitely didn’t want to participate, because it was one of those “no win” subjects. Been there, done that—not fun.

This time, what I witnessed was a tremendous victory, for both participants. No one raised their voice, there were several “in my opinions,” and even a few “I can see your point.” The result? A completely civil dialogue of polar positions. What a rare gem and teachable moment, prompting me to say “I’m really proud of you!”

I should have added “thank you.” Thank you for showing me it’s absolutely possible: positively navigating a conversation that could have spiraled wildly wrong. Thank you for displaying unbelievable empathy: collaborating, so neither felt compromised.

I am proud of the good human we raised and the patience my husband provided. When you work together, genuinely listening instead of mentally listing potential rebuttals, you allow space to consider and come away less crushed. Speaking with conviction, in lieu of condemnation, grants the continuation of a civil conversation and takes courage. Loving each other well means conventional “compliance” looks different as you cultivate a gracefully evolved relationship. This is TRUE connection that extends well beyond the years spent under one roof.

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
James 1:19-20 ESV

“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Colossians 4:6 ESV

So in my REA/L moment with you today, no matter the situation or topic, take heed of His words. Saving face is infinitely more valuable than a temporary victory; because in any relationship, when this wisdom in applied, the reward is mutually persued longevity. An extraordinary and precious gift.

Amazing Grace

September 28, 2021September 28, 2021by 4letsgetrealtogetherLeave a Comment

My husband is a smart man. I know this to be true. Even so, there are times he astounds me with his wisdom.

During a recent conversation, I was lamenting over a situation, which encompassed this familiar theme: I’m too this or not enough that. In the midst of my mental battle over the days which delivered me to that point, I chose the most logical course of action: nothing, absolutely nothing to help myself. Worst, in doing so, I felt like a toadstool—poisonous and sucking the life out of all those around me.

Utterly frustrated and disgusted with myself, I turn to my husband with a sigh and said, “There’s a gray area between grace and complacency.” Without a blink, he replied, “Nope, there’s enough grace to cover it all.” Boom. Mic drop.

Everything is more complicated it should be, or at least that’s what we believe, so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. It’s in those hard spots where we want to give up, do nothing, stew in our pity party pot that grace covers us, like a well fitted lid. We need it to contain the mess our minds cook up. I needed to hear it, right then…there is enough grace to cover it all.

The only thing lackadaisical about my inaction in this given situation was my inability to receive His grace. Believe I am enough. As is. No activity required.

It is only in learning the repeated art of leaning in, which comes most frequently from hardship experiences, that we are able to appreciate the feel of grace’s soft embrace. When we stop focusing on the grit of life’s sandpaper, we can allow His grace to transform us through the chafing process. We can’t always see His grace in the moment because we are too distracted by the abrasiveness of the experience. All we hear is the devil whispering, oh you sure do need a lot of refining.

*Sigh* Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m the only one who feels this way. Nope, there’s enough grace to cover that too.

So in my REA/L moment with you today, hear me when I say this: everything truly is not as completely complicated, convoluted, or spiraling out of control as we may feel or believe. There is a constant blessing called grace, His amazing grace, that is just waiting to rush in and swaddle you. It saved a wretch like me and continues to do so over and over again. It even brought me here, through my storm to tell you, my friend, YOU are loved.

Trust

September 3, 2021September 3, 2021by 4letsgetrealtogether3 Comments

I’m sitting here getting a pedicure, when a mother and daughter come in. It’s not what you would call your usual duo, as both are well seasoned. The daughter helps guide her mother into the chair. It’s obvious the mother is a bit confused about what’s happening, but her daughter patiently repeats the assurance “it’s ok.”

Once settled, the daughter tells her mother she’s going around the corner briefly to pick a color and would be right back. Immediate concern, bordering on fear, flashes across the mother’s face. She didn’t want to be left alone. She desperately needed to feel her presence, evident by the borderline tears. “You’re ok, I’ll be right back.”

Panicked, the mother looks around as if to attempt getting up. Without hesitation, the lady in the chair directly next to the mother leans over, holds out her hand, and spoke reassuring affirmations. The daughter was relieved and quickly returned with polish. It was beautiful to witness.

This reminded me of my relationship with God. I’m often unsteady on my spiritual feet. I’m easily confused when there’s unwanted change. I long for His nearness, tender words, and physical presence. I know in my heart He constantly provides all of these, but my fears clout my mind.

How can my faith be so fickle? Why am I so easy swayed when circumstances change? What does this say about my relationship with God?

None of this makes me a “bad Christian.” I am human. I must constantly turn to Him, which is by His design. It’s in these moments, when I crawl back to Him despite my indiscretions, that Abba gathers me up like the prodigal child.

“O my people, trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.”
Psalm 62:8 NLT

Thank you, Lord for loving me through my trials. Thank you for listening when I cry out. Thank you for being my shelter in the storm. And most of all, thank you for always welcoming me back into your fold. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Riding the Waves

March 1, 2021March 2, 2021by 4letsgetrealtogether2 Comments

I remember rolling down the beach, picking up speed as I went barreling towards the ocean. Hard packed sand finding its way into every crevice. Eyes squeezed tightly shut so the salt wouldn’t sting quite so badly. Breath held, seemingly forever, in anticipation of the wave.

Sometimes the waves gently rolled over me. Other times the waves violently crashed into me. But once, the waves greedily grabbed hold, pulling me helplessly out towards the ocean depths.

The feeling of this childhood experience, albeit decades ago, returned over the past few weeks. The splash, in the form of tears, suddenly running down my face. The palpable, crushing collision of finality pummeling my body. Waves of grief swiftly taking over, engulfing me, then quietly receding, leaving only fragmented traces: red eyes, the occasional sniffle, and slacken body accompanying my despondency.

There isn’t a right or wrong way to grieve, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Most don’t even realize there are multiple types of grief, outside of losing a loved one. We each process the heartache of loss differently. The one common constant is it comes in waves, taking on multiple forms. It’s a very real and deeply personal experience.

When that greedy wave threatened to steal me away, oh so many years ago, it was my dad who plucked me from its grips. Hands strong and sure. Arms readily embracing me. I felt safe, excited to get out there again, not realizing what could have transpired, had he not been there.

My father loved the water, as do I. He taught me the importance of looking up to make sure I saw the sun and out to the shore so I could keep my bearings, no matter what the waves brought. I find myself clinging to that wisdom today.

There are times when I think we all need a safety net. A constant, protecting us from the waves of life. Sometimes we may be carefree riding on top, while other times, we might find ourselves buried underneath.

Though it’s cloudy today, I lift my head to the Son, seeing His ever presence in my life. I look out and see my family, my anchor held firmly upon the shore. And I hold tightly to Abba, my Heavenly Father’s hand as I ride the waves today.

These verses have helped me on many occasion, and if you happen to be riding your own waves, I pray they will bring you comfort, my friend. This section starts with “Rejoice in the Lord always.” I must confess to you I’m not there yet. I am thankful my dad is at peace. I am grateful for the pure joy Christ provides through his gift of grace. I am overwhelmed by the assurance that I will see my dad again. But if I’m honest, my heart hurts a little too much to rejoice today. And that’s ok…

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
Philippians 4:6-9 NIV

My prayer for us is that we truly feel God’s peace in a very real way today. While we may be on different ones, I believe we both are simply doing our best riding the waves. Help me, Lord, keep my eyes fixed upon you so joy will come in the morning.

Enough

September 16, 2020by 4letsgetrealtogetherLeave a Comment

This morning, I “happened to” call a friend out of the blue. Truthfully, I cannot even recall what the prompting was. We chatted, as if no time had passed since we’d last talked, and it just plain felt good. Normal. As we were hanging up, I made reflexive apologies for my accent and thanked my friend listening through my broken speech. She responded with, “yes I know you have an accent, but I just hear you.” Instant tears In that moment, I felt all the ridiculous insecurities about the voice that comes out of my mouth, which currently does not sound at all like “me,” melt away. Just like that.

To my friends who have had enough…

Feel they aren’t enough…

Think they aren’t (blank) enough…

I see you. And more importantly, El Roi does.

My prayer for you today is you see past the imperfection, deficit, or affliction that is weighing upon you. Blur it out through the lens of God’s filter. Apply as easily and readily as any go to media filter. Roll past it like the waves lap upon the shore—focused, purposeful, and swiftly. Change your position, literally. Pluck yourself from the rubble you feel has accumulated around, suffocating you. And hear me say these words to you:

YOU MATTER

You are enough. As is. Right now. This moment. Breathe that glorious truth in, then exhale the rest.

How can I say this truth with outright assertion? Because God tells us “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). So whatever you may think, feel, or see as weakness is actually just the opposite. It is in these spaces where God is strongest and declares you enough through His power. And that my friends, should be enough.

One Percent

September 1, 2020by 4letsgetrealtogether1 Comment

It’s the beginning of a new month. We are more than halfway through this year. As I was on my walk this morning, I thought, “What have I accomplished, and how have I changed this year?” It gave me pause and reminded me of something I recently read. If you improve by 1% every day, within a year, you will have improved by 365%. Let that sink in a minute…

For the most part, I believe we all want to improve, in some way or aspect of our lives. Often, it’s centered around our health or appearance. While I fit into this category as well, hence the morning walk, I realized how exponentially that one percent could grow into a whole body transformation. And I’m not just referring to physical appearance.

Our kids started “school” last week. Because this looks much different than any other year, I picked up a devotional journal called “100 Days of Grace & Gratitude” by Shanna Noel. I knew I needed to take on the posture of grace and gratitude if I also wanted our kiddos to model it. The devotional read is maybe a couple minutes long, at best. There are scripture references as well, and I usually will find one that resonates. My journaling doesn’t always look the same, but since it’s my journal, the only “rules” that apply are my own. The entire “process” takes about five minutes, ten if I’m extremely creative in my journaling. Today was day seven of one hundred. Thinking back to the one percent notion, I’ve already improved sevenfold. I’ve positioned myself to incorporate, or at minimum meditate on, grace and gratitude seven times through this book, and I do believe it’s beginning to take root.

This emerging habit prompted me to put on a pair of tennis shoes and head outside for some exercise. The fresh air gave me the opportunity to clear my mind. With each recurring step, I felt my muscles engage. I released the competitive desire to maintain a minimum speed, focusing on consistent movement instead. By the end, I walked just shy of two and half miles, which was significantly farther than I originally thought I’d be able to comfortably go. I spent my time praying, praising, and mentally preparing myself for the rest of the day. In doing so, the distance didn’t seem nearly as long. I was grateful instead of spent.

Tomorrow, is day eight. I plan to make the five to ten minute investment in grace and gratitude again, knowing that it’s effects will be longer lasting. I plan to lace up my shoes and take another walk. I’m also thinking about what other “system” I might incorporate to improve how efficiently I manage our home. While normally this thought might feel overwhelming, I’m thinking differently. One small step. One percent.

I don’t know about you, but I like this one percent notion. Seems infinitely more “doable,” doesn’t it? And as I build upon this one percent, I am thankful for the grace it affords. I’m not trying to conquer climbing my mountain in a day, just one percent of it. Tomorrow, I can continue onto the next percent. Doable. One step at a time.

“But each one of us has received a gift of grace, just as Christ wanted us to have it.”
Ephesians 4:7 NIRV

I’ve begun unwrapping His gift of grace, one fold at a time. And with each revelation, another awaits. Unlimited in His generosity. Goodness. Because that’s His nature. For which, I am incredibly grateful.