Peace Be With You

Peace Be With You

Tis the season when family and friends gather. Food and drinks are shared. And the barrage of questions begin…How are you? What’s new? What’s next? What about…? The list goes on. The intent is meant well, a genuine interest in you. Meanwhile, the answers aren’t always easy and the questions can be uncomfortable. 

When you’ve been through something traumatic, you might not want to relive it. Or maybe you’ve improved but aren’t out of the woods yet. 

You’re clueless of “what’s next” and the thought scares you to death.

You don’t really have anything “new” going on, but you won’t want to seem ho hum (or worse boring).

The most common response to “how are you” is typically “fine,” which could be short for frustrated, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. Let’s face it—we’ve all faked a smile and said “fine” because it’s easier. Preparing for the holidays can sometimes feel overwhelming. Maybe nothing necessarily “bad” has happened, it can just all be exhausting…defensively causing your guard to go up. 

Am I in a bad place? No. This is simply me thinking ahead and telling myself to read the room. Listen—attentively, giving the person in front of me my ears AND eyes. Sometimes we miss things when there’s background noise vying for our attention. I fondly remember talking with someone who made me feel incredibly special. Even though she was hosting the event, I felt like our conversation was in a beautiful snow globe. Magical—protected from everything else happening around us. Could I tell you what we talked about? No. But I can absolutely fondly remember that peaceful feeling. 

So my friends, here’s my prayer for us as we enter “the most wonderful time of the year” (thank you Andy Williams). It comes straight from the Apostle Paul, who reminds us of God’s free and boundless grace. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (Romans 15:13 ESV). Kids believe in Santa. Let’s remain steadfast in believing we can not only find but bring peace wherever this season takes us. 

Yes, My Love

Yes, My Love

I haven’t shared anything REA/L in awhile…life has been a bit too unbelievably chaotic. Have there been blessings mixed in? Absolutely! Those joys have been the bulk of my posts this year. These are the things I want to have pop up in my memories. The unpleasantries, however, I’d prefer to erase…

Within our family of four, we’ve had six surgeries among us this year with one more on the horizon. The specialists, appointments, treatments, therapies, etc have dictated the bulk of our schedules. Out of necessity, we’ve collectively danced with more fluidity than ever before…typically it’s just one of us (mainly me) that assumes the patient role. This time it’s entirely different and not in a good way.

My surgeries were incredibly personal and deemed medically necessary for prevention. Cancer ravaged my father, and with my bizarre “ecosystem,” avoiding that horrific parasite bestowed the best option. I discovered in the minimal sharing of the “why” I had a double mastectomy was met with confusion. “So you didn’t have cancer?” No, I’d reply almost apologetically, I did not. While I am fortunate this is the case, my chapter of recuperation is still unfinished.

Two weeks after my surgeries, our youngest needed knee surgery from an injury. She is still working her way back to even—making fantastic progress might I add. Rehab is never easy, and she is diligently putting in the time required to return to the activities she loves. It’s laborious. There have been tears of frustration and pain. The “other side” drives her so this too will be in the rear view mirror.

About a month later, the “c” word entered our household. It was utterly out of the blue. There were no symptoms. He didn’t fit the risk profile. And yet…

“I’m so sorry,” he says when we get the results. Tells the kids the same thing. They both immediately respond with the obvious: “This is not your fault!” He unfortunately doesn’t readily accept this. In his mind, he is the caregiver. He is glue. It’s his “responsibility” to ensure everyone has what they need. His provider gene runs strong. This is unwelcomed and unfamiliar territory, for all of us. Less than two weeks after diagnosis, treatment begins, and here we remain, praying all this will totally eradicate his cancer.

Last month, our oldest had oral surgery to remove four impacted wisdom teeth. I think people trivialize this type of surgery, relegating it as “routine,” which is regrettable. There’s something wholly unnerving about being knocked out while having people inside your mouth, looking at the unrecognizable person in the mirror, and struggling to eat, drink or talk.

Welp, there it is—the life data dump of our last six months. It’s a lot. And yes, we are all intimately aware our family has already been through “a lot.” We cling tightly to each other, especially when one of us tries to retreat, because that’s how we are wired. Eventually someone will figure out “the fix,” even if the solution is simply space. This too shall pass is our mantra, which is only moderately easier to swallow when spoken within our four walls. The absolute truth that guides us daily is this: the Lord will see us through, as He has so graciously done countless times before. “There’s a blessing buried in it,” he says as we leave the infusion center today. Yes, my love, there always is.