IMprove

When I pry my eyes open to see what time it is, my head begins to pound. I’m not sure if it’s just rebelling against the thought of getting out of bed or an actual headache. Well, let’s see…

I throw the covers off and swing my legs over the edge of the bed, eyes still closed. Once my feet hit the floor, I forcibly pry my lids open. So. Very. Bright. This sends an immediate signal to my head—thump, thump. I hesitate briefly, seriously considering crawling back into bed.

Not gonna do it (said in my best Dana Carvey as George Bush voice), and I open the doors to our bathroom. So. Very. Very. Bright. The brilliant morning sunlight fills the entire room. *Sigh* Ok, lemme see how I feel after I get dressed. Maybe it’s not a headache…

The chilly air necessitates long sleeves and pants. “Alexa, what is the current tempurature” I mumble—part of my daily ritual. “Currently, it’s 41 degrees,” she replies. Burr! Bright AND cold! Ugh, why did I say I’d go for a walk this morning?

Dressed, I walk into the living room and open the blinds. My eyes acquiesce to the additional blazing assault, calibrating as they continue to focus. My head decides it’s just unhappy I’ve ignored the multiple protests and falls in line as well.

Coffee. Must have coffee.

I sink into the couch with my favorite mug and let the warmth radiate into my hands. My mouth welcomes the smooth blend of beans with perfectly frothed milk. Can I simply sit here all morning? What if my waking partner cancels? Surely that would be my green light to stay comfortably situated and take the morning off.

As if on cue, my phone dings. Message reads: not feeling great and not ready to get up. *Sigh* Well, there’s my sign. Question is how should I read it?

As I consider, I continue sipping my coffee and start strolling. Lots of #10yearsChallenge and #21DaysOfFasting posts. Seriously? Ugh! FINE! I’ll get up and go on the stupid walk. “I’m taking you with me, let’s go” I say to our pup and grab the necessities for us both. She seems much happier about this than me, tail excitedly wagging.

I step outside. Did I mention it was 41 degrees? Burr! This Texas girl does not like the cold! Neither do my lungs, as they instantly protest the intrusion of blustery winter air. It’ll be fine, just a quick twenty minute walk I tell myself. I tuck the end of leash inside my pockets along with my freezing hands.

Once I got about halfway through my trek, my mind revisited those previous posts. What did I want to see in myself ten years down the road? For my husband and family? While I full well realize I cannot control their actions, I certainly have the power to influence them! Which got me thinking, instead of fasting, maybe I should consider incorporating.

January is the token month for resolutions started and usually dismissed, present company included in this faulty process. How many times have I said “this year will be different” and talked myself right out of any resolution or motivation? Usually in less than 21 days. Yes, pitifully, I’ll own it. *OUCH*

Improve, the voice inside me speaks with conviction. Improve! I think about the word, and because my mind works in acronyms, this revelation sobers me: I Must Prove to IMprove.

I must prove to myself I’m worth the work.

I must prove to my family that it’s possible.

I must hold tighter to my vision than vices.

Truly, what is twenty minutes (or more) of scrolling every day going to net me in 10 years? Will I look back and wish I’d wasted more of my time watching others live their lives? Does that actually benefit me in any positive way? I think not!

I want to write. I want to be healthier. I want to grow as a person. I want to do aerial yoga, like I saw some one post. I want to connect in real life with my friends. I want to pick an activity and have someone join me once a month. I want to travel.

I want more—for myself and my family—without the addition of useless stuff that I probably won’t remember, much less care about, come next January. Wow, this walk is proving to be of far greater value than I realized! As they say, “The proof is in the pudding.”

My steps become lighter, breathing easier, and body warmer. Despite my initial reticence to doing something so simple for myself, the Lord blessed me with this significant revelation.

“Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”

Psalm 34:8 NIV

Lord, thank you for helping me resist the temptation to give up on myself and you today. You desire so much more for my life. I know in my heart you immeasurably bless me when I seek and listen to you. Hold me accountable, Lord, to improving and turning from my slothful ways—not just this month but well beyond. It scares me to offer myself up to your correction for any missteps ; however, I know you are a loving God and will make all things good.

That was difficult to put into writing and share. Now, as I conclude this attempt to capture my morning, I leave you with this REA/L thought: whatever time it is, however busy you may think you are, consider what your actions are proving and to whom.