Today I am sad…
Sad because of all the hate.
Sad because of all the debate.
Sad because of the polarization.
Sad because of all the incessant sanitization.
Sad because I created an account joining the Zoom nation.
Sad because my kids can’t just be kids, hanging out with friends without unnecessary reservation.
Sad because as I type this on the laptop, my eyes keep moving back to my phone propped up nearby with live video feed of a practice I’m not able to attend, fearing I might miss something that I can’t possibly or even remotely control.
*SAD*
All this sadness has given me a headache, quite literally. My limbs feel heavy, as if moving through mud. There is so much stress and tension in my body that I have a sick feeling in the back of my throat. I am desperately fighting this overwhelming sadness because I know full well that it’s not healthy. And yet, like the mysterious invisible hair that makes our skin crawl with a tickling irritation, I cannot seem to put my fingers on it and simply remove this feeling.
Then this “memory” pops up on my personal social media page.
“God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to Him.”
1 Peter 5:7
Not some of your worries. Not just the the big or little ones. Not the ones you think He can handle. *ALL OF YOUR WORRIES*
Funny God. You have the ability to show up anywhere! Even in a Facebook memory. It’s times like these where the phrase “God works in mysterious ways” becomes very present and applicable. You’d think that I’d already learned this a hundred times over: God is in control. I am not. Worrying about all that I cannot control does not gain me anything.
I confess, today was the first time in a while that I opened my Bible app upon waking (a habit I used to have). After making my way through today’s Bible story about witnessing, I moved onto my neglected devotional plan (Reset Your Mind, Overhauling Toxic Thoughts) and clicked “catch me up.” The title? “Capture Your Thoughts,” followed by a quote.
“Taking thoughts captive means controlling them instead of letting them control you.”
Priscilla Shirer
I feel somewhat empowered and a slightly relieved that I do have control over something: my thoughts. Somewhere, in my desperation to control the chaos that has engulfed our world, I handed what I could control over to fear, sadness, and helplessness. Silly me…
With my focus now redirected solely on writing this (as the Zoom feed has ended), I take a deep breath. Intentional. Cleansing. Recentering. What do I truly want filling my thoughts?
If it is heavy, I let it go. If it is hurtful, I let it go. If it isn’t of Him, I let it go. I cannot be His witness if I am wrapped in worry and warped thoughts. These do not point others towards Him. Period.
I am DONE feeding the worry worm. I am replacing this fruitless activity by cultivating healthier habits. Start my day with HIM. Align my thoughts with HIM. Cast my worries unto HIM.
*Sigh* Ahhh, sweet release…and just like that, I am in a better place.
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