The “Doing” Drug

January 8, 2020

It’ll be different this year, I tell myself. I fervently prayed for revelation of my 2020 focus word (obedient). I will not be seduced by its addictive high. It’ll be different this year. I will remain open to His plan, center on what He desires of me, obey His still voice within. But that sweet siren’s song beckons me…my eyes are drawn to the cluttered counter, laundry piled on the couch waiting to be folded, Christmas still prominently displayed all over the house…the list accumulates. I begin doing, unaware of the intoxication power each completed task, and subsequent added undertaking, holds. I am, once again, hooked and enslaved by the “doing” drug.

It was obvious from a young age that I’m a Martha. A “go to,” “get it done” girl. I’ve always enjoyed being called upon to complete a job. It makes me feel important. And I’m good at it, the “doing.” I excel when given tasks and a deadline. I make sacrifices to ensure whatever project or event comes to fruition, appearing to having it all under control…because that’s part of the gig. I have to make it seem like it was no big deal. I don’t want anyone to see me as unable or weak. Been there, done that when I was physically not capable and certainly don’t want to be back in that boat, thank you very much!

This is NOT obedience, and I full well know it!

But the “high” that comes with the doing drug, crashes over me like a tidal wave. I am sucked into the riptide, pulled back again and again until my body is worn by its crushing weight. In my “Martha” frenzy, or truthfully addition, I become weak and worn. My judgement becomes clouded, which frustrates the daylights out of me. I end up crashing, like an addict who’s had too much. Shut down rapidly and unexpectedly, like my iPhone when I’ve neglected it too long.

What’s your drug of choice? Is it “doing” like me? Is it binge watching? Is it eating? What temporarily soothes you till you are comfortably numb? What takes away the ache? What silences those feelings? THAT’S your drug, your addiction. It’s intoxicating powers do not last, and at some point, we all come down off our high. Here, before our next “fix,” is where we have a choice. Do we allow ourselves to be swept up again in this cyclical battle? Or do decide ENOUGH?! While our war wounds are not visible to others, it does not take away the pain we feel. It does not remove the scars that have accumulated. It is the unseen strife that we wrestle with daily, on top of whatever else the day brings. Cue the infamous words of SNL’s Church Lady, “Well, isn’t that just special…”

I see you, my friend. I struggle too. My brain and body feel so battered, it’s simply easier to keep this ball rolling than to change tracks. My prayer, in confessing this to you, is that you will not feel alone. Maybe in sharing our weak moments, we can become stronger together.

“Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
(Ecclesiastes 4:12 NIV)

My sweet oldest claimed this as “The Year of REA/L” for me along with Exodus 13:13: “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” In those moments, breathe with me. Know that He IS fighting for you. Know that you are not alone. Know that you have a friend in me.

Soon, you will see a “prayer services” tab on the web site. It would be my privilege, if you feel comfortable in sharing, to pray with and for you. Sometimes all it takes is speaking out those strongholds to free you from their entanglement. I see you, my friend. And I am here to listen…