I corrected myself. “I’m actually not sorry. I have no reason to apologize.”
Increasingly often, I find myself saying “sorry,” and I’m not sure why. Why do I feel the need to apologize on someone else’s behalf? Why do I feel the need to apologize when I’ve done nothing wrong? Why do I feel the need to apologize when I’m the one hurting, crying, frustrated, or upset? Why am I sorry?
If I’m honest with you, I will confess that a majority of my “sorry’s” are not actually heartfelt towards the receiver. “I’m sorry you have to put down your phone and come to the table.” “I’m sorry you have to help me.” I’m sorry you have to put away the clothes I’ve washed, dried, and folded.” These “I’m sorry’s” are covered in sarcasm and drenched in exasperation. They are not sincere nor do they seek forgiveness. They are knives hurled at the other person in a retribution effort for whatever “crime” I feel they have committed.
Does this make me mean? Probably…
Does this make me feel better? Briefly…
Does this help the situation? Not really.
These types of “I’m sorry’s” are not only unhelpful, they are unwholesome. And yet, they come out of our mouths more frequently than do genuine requests for forgiveness. They are used in attempts to make us feel better while intentionally jabbing the other. They are not kind, and simply put, they meant as malice, masking our true feelings.
No wonder we are so skeptical of everyone and everything! When what comes out of our mouths are not rooted in kindness, truth, and love, we become hardened, because we suspect everyone is doing the same. We build walls around ourselves and our hearts in protection. We hide behind carefully crafted facades so that we might feel safe and “in control,” when those very barriers do nothing other than keep us separated from the people we want acceptance from. Marinade in that one for a minute…
We must temper and soften our “sorry’s” back to their original place of an apology, or appeal for forgiveness. We must eradicate the ever popular “sorry not sorry” phrase from our vernacular. We must stop passive aggressively seeking to put ourselves above one another. We must remove our cloaks as well as our daggers. We must admit when we are wrong, even and especially when we feel we’ve been slighted in the process.
Wrong in our motives. Wrong in our words. Wrong in our behavior.
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8-9 NIV).
I am sorry for my contribution to this spiteful act.
I will focus on the intention behind the words I speak.
I do ask for a transformation of my heart today, to more closely resemble that with which is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy…and put these into practice, so that I may feel His peaceful presence (see Philippians 4:8-9 NIV).
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